Why So Serious?
The theme of the week is: why am I so high strung all the time? Now granted, having been this way most of my adult life, the answer to this question is probably better suited for someone in a professional capacity. However, I got to thinking: if I can't at least partially answer this question myself, seeing as how it's an issue that directly affects ME, then we might have a problem.
Chandler gave my wife and me a really rough time last night. She woke three times in the middle of the night, with the longest stretch being 2 hours. I went in around 140am to try to get her back down, but all she wanted to do was play, and she proceeded to pull the glasses off of my face repeatedly. After what seemed like the 40th attempt, I chastised Chan with a sharp "Chandler! Stop it!!" This apparently brought my exhausted wife out of her attempted slumber and back into the baby's room. I'm wondering how angry I actually sounded through the monitor, since in reality, it was more an annoyance than anger.
Anyhow, due to the nighttime festivities, Chandler slept in until 9AM this morning.....2-3 hours later than normal. Now, if you've been reading the first few entries of this blog, you now how schedules are important to me, and how this must be KILLING me. Basically, Chan woke up when she should have been going down for her first nap of the day. She went down for her first nap of the day when she should have been waking from the first nap....and so on and so forth. It is now 2PM; she should be smack dab in the middle of her 2 hour afternoon nap, but alas, she woke from nap #1 about 20 minutes ago.
Now, those who know me know that my stomach is twisted in a ball of stress right now. My precious schedule has been thrown completely out the window. I have a game to review for work and articles to write. My work computer decided to crap out on me yesterday, and it's going to take the Geek Squad 3-5 days to fix it. I can still get work done, but it's going to take the combined effort of my 5 year old laptop and my tablet to do so. What once took me 10-15 minutes per article will now take close to half an hour.
Basically, time is fleeting, and I'm seeing it slowly get taken away from me. Following the schedule is imperative, and it simply isn't happening. I once again have a short week since I'll have no nanny help this Saturday once again, and knowing that I only have 2 more full days to complete news articles, a review, and 2 interviews is a scary thought.
But then I have to force myself to step back and ask: What's so bad about things going off schedule? Why am I so incredibly anal about this one thing in my life, this one thing that's a constant source of frustration? If I could learn to relax a bit, maybe I can be a better father, a happier father, and a more well-rounded person in general.
And sheesh...maybe I'll have something else to blog about other than how I'm so high strung all the time.
I've come to realize that there's two very important things that i need to work on:
1) Patience. I need more of it.
2) Dealing with my frustrations the right way.
#1 is tough one. Other than certain things that are dependent on a due date, everything else can wait. I need to remind myself that it's not about me anymore. As simple as that sounds, it's a hard mindset to get into. Unless it's life-threatening, it can wait. If I'm use to eating lunch at noon and something comes up where I can't have it until 2pm, then that's fine. Life goes on. Chandler comes first. I somehow need to train my brain into thinking like this.
#2 is a tough one as well. I'm naturally a guy that blows up emotionally. I can't be like that around my daughter. I know that every little thing I do affects her behavior as well. I know she can sense when I'm tense, angry, and frustrated. On the flipside, I know she can also sense when I'm happy and relaxed. I need to do more of the latter and less of the former. I don't want Chandler to also grow up to high strung and stressed out all the time. It's not a good way to live, and it's honestly something that I'm very unhappy about in my life. It is absolutely vital that I learn how to deal with my negative emotions, and I need to learn how to deal with it quickly.
I consider myself a good dad, and I know I'm a good dad. But I also know that I can be better. I don't want to be a good dad; I want to be a great dad; I want to be the best dad. If my daughter sometime in the future gives me a "World's Best Dad" mug or shirt, I want to look back on these early years and feel that I've earned it.
It's going to all start with a complete mindset overhaul. That's going to be tough...I won't deny that. But for Chandler, it's going to be worth it. It can start as early as today, with me accepting the fact that the schedule is indeed thrown off and that there's nothing wrong with that. It can continue through tomorrow and Friday, when I am completely backed up with work and needing to meet deadlines. I can tell myself "Look, you've been backed into a corner before with this stuff, and you made it out unscathed. You can do it now as well." It can continue into Saturday, where I will undoubtedly be wracked with fear from memories of how last Saturday went. I need to remind myself that again, I made it out in one piece and everything is ok. Things may not go to plan, but in the end, all will turn out ok.
Most importantly, I need to stop being selfish and remind myself it's not about me anymore.
Chandler gave my wife and me a really rough time last night. She woke three times in the middle of the night, with the longest stretch being 2 hours. I went in around 140am to try to get her back down, but all she wanted to do was play, and she proceeded to pull the glasses off of my face repeatedly. After what seemed like the 40th attempt, I chastised Chan with a sharp "Chandler! Stop it!!" This apparently brought my exhausted wife out of her attempted slumber and back into the baby's room. I'm wondering how angry I actually sounded through the monitor, since in reality, it was more an annoyance than anger.
Anyhow, due to the nighttime festivities, Chandler slept in until 9AM this morning.....2-3 hours later than normal. Now, if you've been reading the first few entries of this blog, you now how schedules are important to me, and how this must be KILLING me. Basically, Chan woke up when she should have been going down for her first nap of the day. She went down for her first nap of the day when she should have been waking from the first nap....and so on and so forth. It is now 2PM; she should be smack dab in the middle of her 2 hour afternoon nap, but alas, she woke from nap #1 about 20 minutes ago.
Now, those who know me know that my stomach is twisted in a ball of stress right now. My precious schedule has been thrown completely out the window. I have a game to review for work and articles to write. My work computer decided to crap out on me yesterday, and it's going to take the Geek Squad 3-5 days to fix it. I can still get work done, but it's going to take the combined effort of my 5 year old laptop and my tablet to do so. What once took me 10-15 minutes per article will now take close to half an hour.
Basically, time is fleeting, and I'm seeing it slowly get taken away from me. Following the schedule is imperative, and it simply isn't happening. I once again have a short week since I'll have no nanny help this Saturday once again, and knowing that I only have 2 more full days to complete news articles, a review, and 2 interviews is a scary thought.
But then I have to force myself to step back and ask: What's so bad about things going off schedule? Why am I so incredibly anal about this one thing in my life, this one thing that's a constant source of frustration? If I could learn to relax a bit, maybe I can be a better father, a happier father, and a more well-rounded person in general.
And sheesh...maybe I'll have something else to blog about other than how I'm so high strung all the time.
I've come to realize that there's two very important things that i need to work on:
1) Patience. I need more of it.
2) Dealing with my frustrations the right way.
#1 is tough one. Other than certain things that are dependent on a due date, everything else can wait. I need to remind myself that it's not about me anymore. As simple as that sounds, it's a hard mindset to get into. Unless it's life-threatening, it can wait. If I'm use to eating lunch at noon and something comes up where I can't have it until 2pm, then that's fine. Life goes on. Chandler comes first. I somehow need to train my brain into thinking like this.
#2 is a tough one as well. I'm naturally a guy that blows up emotionally. I can't be like that around my daughter. I know that every little thing I do affects her behavior as well. I know she can sense when I'm tense, angry, and frustrated. On the flipside, I know she can also sense when I'm happy and relaxed. I need to do more of the latter and less of the former. I don't want Chandler to also grow up to high strung and stressed out all the time. It's not a good way to live, and it's honestly something that I'm very unhappy about in my life. It is absolutely vital that I learn how to deal with my negative emotions, and I need to learn how to deal with it quickly.
I consider myself a good dad, and I know I'm a good dad. But I also know that I can be better. I don't want to be a good dad; I want to be a great dad; I want to be the best dad. If my daughter sometime in the future gives me a "World's Best Dad" mug or shirt, I want to look back on these early years and feel that I've earned it.
It's going to all start with a complete mindset overhaul. That's going to be tough...I won't deny that. But for Chandler, it's going to be worth it. It can start as early as today, with me accepting the fact that the schedule is indeed thrown off and that there's nothing wrong with that. It can continue through tomorrow and Friday, when I am completely backed up with work and needing to meet deadlines. I can tell myself "Look, you've been backed into a corner before with this stuff, and you made it out unscathed. You can do it now as well." It can continue into Saturday, where I will undoubtedly be wracked with fear from memories of how last Saturday went. I need to remind myself that again, I made it out in one piece and everything is ok. Things may not go to plan, but in the end, all will turn out ok.
Most importantly, I need to stop being selfish and remind myself it's not about me anymore.
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